Wednesday, January 30, 2008

ive gotten to the point where im ready to leave india. ive gotten into that mindset, you know the one that helps you deal with moving, where you get soooo frustrated with small things and you are so ready to just move on???? im also going through one of those fazes, you know the one: you see the path you are heading down and you dont like it........ im not happy with the kind of person i am at the moment, ive lost track of everything the last few weeks. and i am ashamed to say it, but i feel like i have wasted my time up here, i am so lucky to have this experience and i feel like i have thrown it away. i have done heaps up here, meet sooo many good and bad people and ive had amazing experiences but i had sooooo many plans and dreams and goals when i first got up here. i feel like i havent done everything, i havent been diligent enough ect ect. and now i cant start anything before i go, i have like a month left so it is pointless....... and for the last couple of weeks all ive done is party..... im leading such a hedonistic lifestyle up here and i hate it, i feel sooo guilty, im really ashamed of (example: i just spent $900 on a fucking phone....... i always bitch about people with expensive, unecessary gadgets and ive become one, even worse i cant use the son of a bitch!).